The Walls Have Ears

MacKenzie Kulp
Staff Writer
“Kissing him makes me want to kick a baby.”
“He didn’t look alive! He was a cold, squishy rock!”
“You can’t slip a cucumber through the wall.”
“She eats milk and drinks cheese.”
“Bro, calling someone fat is not racist.”
“It’s my pencil! You have no right to stab me with it!”
“Who cares about a prehistoric beaver?”
“He is stupid hot! What I said was it was a good assembly.”
“The only meaning in life is the endless pain of death. Makes me want to play the xylophone.”
“Do you have cute feet?”
“The sun is always setting… unless it’s rising.”
“My entire vocabulary gets randomized.”
“Ris- riser? I don’t know, my train has derailed.”
“Your personality makes you look like you're about to sell me muffins.”
“No, he does have a girlfriend, but it’s okay, you have me, your wifey.” 
“I say the most unhinged crap, and no one blinks an eye…” “I blink many eyes.” 
“That box is like a freaking box.”
“How’s your grandpa?” “Good, he’s still dead.”
“He’s about to breathe some hairy hair.”
“Is there any kind of idiocy that you're comfortable with?”
“It has eight arms; I only have two. It’s not fair.” 
“What’s your scariest ghost story?” “Oh, well, I’ve been ghosted by multiple girls.”
“You got me in the eye! Ow!”
“Each of you is a potato; that is the conclusion to this conversation.”
“Celery marmalade. Watermelon mustard.”
“This is not a pencil; I’m practicing acupuncture.”
“Your baby?” “No, my baby BROTHER.”
“I can see… I don’t like this.”
“Why do you have an energy drink? That feels like a bad idea.”
“[Name], who gave you sugar?” “No idea.”
“Protect your MTN Dew like your life depends on it because it does.”
“You want to know what happens in this song? There’s a knife fight… two people died.”
“Why do you laugh so loud?” “Because it annoys you.”
“Wha- EW, THAT WAS IN YOUR MOUTH?”
“Is that a pocket?” “No, that’s her muscles. That’s just how they are defined.”
“So, you’ve really never had a twinkie before?”
“I don’t even know where to start; this is horrifying.”

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